Comedy requests.

[Boric Glanduum]

Pants of the Many Monkeys

This simple pair of khaki adventuring pants contains, hidden in its many goody-sized pockets, monkeys. Many, many monkeys.

Each day, upon command ("Monkeys!") the pants produce 3d12 monkeys (see page 267, MM). These monkeys are CRAZY monkeys, however, and no amount of training, yelling or stomping of feet will get these monkeys to stop it with their crazy monkey shenanigans. The monkeys are possessed both a limited magical 'hive-mind' and an overwhelming, capricious desire to perform acts of mischief and tomfoolery.

The monkeys will probably eat all the rations and poop in the bedrolls. They will pants the cleric and 'honk' the elf's boobs. Also, they like to trip people, drink ale, and steal hats. The monkeys speak French.

Moderate Conjuration; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Nature's Ally III, Prestidigitation; Price 8,000 gp., 2 lbs.

[Boric Glanduum]

Belch of Dwarvenkind

Filling this normal-looking waterskin with Dwarven ale creates a magical potion. This elixir grants the imbiber the ability to summon a tremendous cacophony of gastric sound. Every creature in a 30' radius takes 1d8 points of sonic damage and must succeed on a Fortitude save (DC 17) to avoid being stunned for 1 round. Note: As the base fluid for this potion is Dwarven Ale, the imbiber (unless Dwarven) must succeed on a fortitude save, (DC 12), or suffer the effects of drunkenness, taking a -2 penalty on all attack rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks, for 1 hour. Additional uses, unless more than an hour apart, require saves with -2 penalties to both save and effects if failed, cumulative. The pouch contains enough liquid to make 4 such droughts.
Creatures that cannot hear are not stunned but are still damaged.

Minor evocation (sonic); CL 7th; Craft Wondrous Item, sonic burst, creator must be a dwarf; Price 1,900 gp; Weight 1 lb. (5 lbs when full)

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Belch of Giant Strength

This is a stronger version of the Belch of Dwarvenkind; filling this normal-looking waterskin with Dwarven ale creates a powerful magical potion. This elixir grants the imbiber the ability to summon an ear-splitting belch that deafens and damages creatures in its path. Any creature within a 30’ radius is deafened for 2d6 rounds and takes 5d6 points of sonic damage. A successful save negates the deafness and reduces the damage by half. Any exposed brittle or crystalline object or crystalline creature takes 9d6 points of sonic damage. An affected creature is allowed a Fortitude save to reduce the damage by half, and a creature holding fragile objects can negate damage to them with a successful Reflex save. Note: As the base fluid for this potion is Dwarven Ale, the imbiber (unless Dwarven) must succeed on a fortitude save, (DC 12), or suffer the effects of drunkenness, taking a -2 penalty on all attack rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks, for 1 hour. Additional uses, unless more than an hour apart, require saves with -2 penalties to both save and effects if failed, cumulative. The pouch contains enough liquid to make 4 such droughts.
Creatures that cannot hear are still damaged.

Moderate evocation (sonic); CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item, shout, creator must be a dwarf; Price 16,700 gp; Weight 1 lb. (5 lbs when full)